Giving advice to a friend about his situation this week made me realize how immature I’d acted in the past. (Funny, but it’s true what they say — friends are the mirror by which we see ourselves.) I thought I’d put those episodes behind me, and accepted that they were over, but I realized this: it is never too late to apologize to the people you care about.
So I wrote letters, letters to people I’d never speak to again. I apologized for the things I did and was totally, completely honest. I’d apologized to one of them in the past, but it had been a shallow kind of apology — one where I’d just said I was sorry for hurting him, but still glossed over the fact that I acknowledged what I did.
But not this time. Another lesson I learned this week: that when apologizing, you have to come clean about what you did, even if it means exposing the worst of who you are. Being on both on the giving and receiving end of that kind of situation, I can wholeheartedly recommend to be honest and admit to your faults. It benefits both sides.
When I wrote those letters, I wasn’t expecting anything in reply. I wasn’t expecting anything back, really.
This exchange with one of my favorite guy friends made me feel warm and fuzzy inside:
M: IM SO PROUD OF YOU
M: Hindi ako shrink di ako expert sa ganyan, pero I think napakagandang closure yan for you kasi di din natin alam baka dun din naipon yung mga nararamdaman mo
M: And that masaya ako nabunutan ka ng tinik
M: Na matagal na palang nakabaon, di lang natin alam
It was a cathartic experience. And my friend was right. I think I’d been carrying that baggage for the longest time. I do feel relieved now, and I’m happy I did what I did. It’s funny though — one week ago and I was going about my merry way, then last week all these emotions and internal conflicts surfaced. And I felt like a learned a lot, emotionally, from the past few days. But can I have an emotionally soothing next week, please? Thanks, universe.